to Put Things Right
by pikaree1
Summary: Into the Woods... ...to Put Things Right. In my self-insert's opinion, anyway. Armed with Fanfiction Author Power, a young girl brings herself to the 'Into the Woods' universe to bring people back to life and attack a certain prince. WARNING: Prince So-Called 'Charming' the Elder bashing. Rated for magic violence. Oneshot!


**Petal: So... I didn't like the movie all that much... So I wrote this fic with a self-insert... My self-insert takes it upon herself to 'put things right'... PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! AND I DON'T OWN INTO THE WOODS NOR THE DRAGON SLAVE CHANT FROM SLAYERS NOR FENRIR GREYBACK FROM HARRY POTTER! I DO OWN MY THEORY ON MR. WOLF BEING RELATED TO HIM, THOUGH!**

There was a loud bang, and a girl fell from the sky. "Ouch…" she muttered. Then she noticed the witch being sucked underground, AKA somehow dying. "NO NO NO NO NO!" she screeched as she hurried over and pulled the woman out of the dirt.

"But… But my special effects… How did you get past them...?" the witch muttered.

"Oh, those things?" the girl said absently. "Easily defeated with my Authoress Protection Cloak." She tugged on the shimmering article of clothing. "Aw, man, I hafta sing, don't I… Into the woods, To put things right! Into the woods, To win a fight! The answer is clear! My powers are good! I have no fear Though Prince Charming the Elder should! I know, those lyrics suck, but it's all I could think of on the fly, alright? Now, I really have a lot to do here… Okay, first you!" She rounded on the baker. "Don't be a hypocrite. Look after your son. I'll get your wife revived later. Red!" She turned to the cloaked girl. "Call the other wolves in the vicinity; they should listen to you since you're wearing what I think should be the pelt of Fenrir Greyback's nephew. Have them take down the giantess. You!" She turned to Jack. "After the giant is defeated, get back up there and get the goose. Yes, the goose," she added when he opened his mouth in protest. "It's a golden goose, not a hen. Go get it and put this stupid story right." She noticed them all staring at her. "What? You act like you've never seen a fanfiction author before! Get going!" She shooed them off and grabbed the witch. "C'mon. We've got work to do," she said, dragging her off.

They arrived at the bottom of the cliff where Mrs. Baker fell. "I remember Martina falling off a cliff while trying to push Lina in an episode of my anime therapy," the girl said wistfully. "Good old anime physics. No one ever dies from something like falling off a cliff. Well, in Slayers, at any rate. Okay, bring her back to life! Now! Or, uh, I'll... I'll do something unpleasant? Oh! I know! I'll gather all my fanfiction buddies and have them decide! We're all-powerful, ya know. So why am I not bringing the lady back to life...? You know what, I think I will! Bye bye, witch. AUTHOR POWER!" The baker's wife was revived.

"I- what- why-" the woman stammered.

"Don't your ever cheat on your husband again," the young girl lectured. It looked quite comical, really, a girl in her early teens lecturing a grown woman. "See where it got you the first time? And I won't help you next time, so LIVE, God $#& it! Now go to your husband and child! Go on! Or did you not really want a kid now that you've met DEAR OLD PRINCEY!" Her voice dripped with sarcasm and hatred at the mention of the prince.

"What- I never-"

"Shut your trap and get going, woman!" The scrawny girl somehow managed to shove the older woman in the direction Mr. Baker had gone. "Now, to find a prince… Muhahahahahahahaaaaa…" She had a very evil look in her eyes.

* * *

"NOOOOOOO! DON'T COME NEAR ME! I'M TOO CHARMING TO DIE! WAIT- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"-BURIED IN THE FLOW OF TIME- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING! AND YOU'RE NOT CHARMING AT ALL, YOU UGLY TERRIBLE SINGER! No offense to your actor, of course; I'm just saying that to spite you. I'm weird like that. But seriously, AGONY? FIGHTING OVER WHO'S IN MORE PAIN?! Stupid storywriters. Charming, my foot!- IN THY GREAT NAME, I PLEDGE MYSELF TO DARKNESS! LET ALL THE FOOLS WHO STAND IN OUR WAY BE DESTROYED BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS! DRAAAAAAAGOOOOON-! SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!"

The woods were destroyed, and the prince along with it. The younger prince, who, though an idiot who didn't meet the mother-in-law first, was a decent guy, inherited the kingdom. A new forest was planted, this one totally powerless and not tainted with any sort of malicious intent so stupid people couldn't blame it for their own shortcomings and sins, the girl brought everyone back to life, the goose's eggs enabled Jack's mother to send him to school, Cinderella worked at the bakery and acted as a babysitter for Li'l Baker, Red's granny moved into an actual village, Red domesticated the wolves, the witch became the godmother of Li'l Baker, and they all lived happily ever after. THE END, GOT IT?

 **Petal: Yeah... so... a review might be nice... Pretty please with not dead Disney character on top?**


End file.
